Seven Weeks of Summer: Week 6

This post is going to be different. This last week has caused a lot of reflection on how I got to where I am today. I've come so incredibly far and my eyes have really been open to that this week. I'm going to share with you more of what brought me to today. Many of these things most of you have never seen or heard and I'm having to fight the fear inside of me that says don't share...but here goes nothing.

 This was me, or at least who I used to be, back in 2005. This wasn't my heaviest point. I didn't take pictures then, or if I did I didn't save them. I hated them and didn't like myself. My self-esteem was at an all time low, I didn't take care of myself or respect myself. I was hundreds of miles away from home trying to escape the pain my family was going through as my parents' marriage was ending and while I was surrounded by people, I didn't really have any friends. It was no fault of their's I was just angry, unhappy and unkind and who would want to be friends with someone like that? Not me.

At the time I was preparing myself for a career in teaching. I spent time in the local schools with kids and realized I couldn't be the teacher I wanted to be when I had no energy, not excitement, and a lot of extra weight to carry around. At one point I had some students ask me if I was having a baby..which I certainly wasn't, but apparently looked like it. The feeling this gave me was heart wrenching. It was an all too familiar feeling I felt in 5th grade when one of my classmates and neighbors teased me constantly about my weight. I took control back then, at just 10 so at 20 I knew I had to and could do it again.

I began counting calories, running to the gym, working out, and running back home. I saw 65 pounds melt off in the course of 9 months and by the time I began my student teaching I was down to 135 pounds, not much more than I weighed in the 5th grade.

My life changed for the better at this point. I was happier and healthier, but I still had an addiction for food. As I began my career and got busy I also began neglecting myself again. This up and down weight battle continued until March of this year. In March I was, yet again, asked if I was pregnant, which I certainly again was not. I was so hurt, angry and upset. I worked hard to get in shape last summer and blew it completely, by not taking care of myself.

In March I set a goal that was greater than me, more about others than myself. I've let myself down so many times, but I hate letting others down. I decided two things: I wanted to be the healthy example my son deserves and that I wanted to be fit enough (not skinny enough) to keep up with him. I want him to be proud of me, not embarrassed by me. I want to show him that anything you set your mind to is possible, and you don't give it your all just when it's convenient but you give your all ever single day.

This summer has been a whirlwind. I've truly found a love for health and fitness and never want to return to the place I was at in 2005, or any other year for that fact. I have found some much joy in inspiring others. From texts, to fb messages to face-to-face conversations every person who tells me I inspire or motivate them to make a change has been so incredibly heart-warming for me. I'm finally proud of who I've become and the control I have over my fitness and health journey. I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to help others now as a fitness coach. This is just one more step in the right direction, and I'll keep moving forward every single day!